TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY:

I stole this from a group post but it's my thoughts to a tee so I had to post it. I hope it helps everyone I know understand how I feel.

I look normal. Don't let my outward appearance fool you; I am in pain. I am not the same person I was a year ago, or two years ago, or 4, depending on when it was you last saw me. I look healthy; I am not. My condition changes from day to day, sometimes even hour to hour. Today I might be able to walk with you a few miles; tomorrow I may not even be able to get up off the couch. A week ago I felt almost human; next week I may feel like something less than what the cat drags in. I may want to do all the same things I used to: to work out, take long walks, socialize, keep some semblance of household order, but I may not be capable of it.If I say, maybe later , please understand and accept this for what it is, which not an excuse is. It is a reason. I don't enjoy my new limitations. I might even be physically able to do today what you wish for me to do, but if I know without a shadow of a doubt that pleasing you will mean for me later an incredible amount of pain, I must say no. I'm not lazy. I just hurt.I absolutely do not want pity. This is no reason to feel sorry for me--life is not perfect, and life happens to us all. This is the hand I have been dealt, and I intend to play it out. I don't blame the world for what I suffer, I don't rally against God. This is no one's fault. Not even my own. I do not crave attention, just space to find myself.

What should a 4 year old know?

I stole this from a post on cafe mom. It really says a lot about where our priorities should be as parents:

I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. "What should a 4 year old know?" she asked. Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only 3. A few posted URL's to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry. It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn't. We are such a competitive culture that even our preschoolers have become trophies and bragging rights. Childhood shouldn't be a race. So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.

She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.

He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn't feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.

She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.

He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he'll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.

She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she's wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it's just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that-- way more worthy.

But more important, here's what parents need to know.

That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.

That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.

That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children "advantages" that we're giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.

That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children's toys and they wouldn't be missed, but some things are important-- building toys like legos and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too-- to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it's absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.

That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That's not okay! Our children don't need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US. They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they're a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

Night Before Christmas For Moms (author unknown)

Twas the night before Christmas, when all thru the abode
only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode.
The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds,
while visions of Nintendo 64 and Barbie, flipped through their heads.
The dad was snoring in front of the TV,
with a half-constructed bicycle on his knee.
So only the mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter,
which made her sigh, "Now what's the matter?"
With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand,
she descended the stairs, and saw the old man.
He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug.
"Oh great," muttered the mom, "Now I have to clean the rug."
"Ho-ho-ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake."
"Your gift was especially difficult to make."
"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone."
"Exactly!" he chuckled, "I've made you a clone."
"A clone?" she asked, "What good is that?
Run along, Santa, I've no time for chit-chat."
The mother's twin. Same hair, same eyes, same double chin.
"She'll cook, she'll dust," she'll mop every mess.
You'll relax, take it easy, watch The Young & the Restless."
"Fantastic!" the mom cheered."My dream come true!"
"I'll shop, I'll read, I'll sleep a whole night through!"
From the room above, the youngest began to fret.
"Mommy?! I scared... and I 'm wet.
"The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart."
"Hey," the mom smiled, "She knows her part."
The clone changed the small one, and hummed a tune,
As she bundled the child, in a blanket cocoon.
"You the best mommy ever. " I really love you."
The clone smiled and sighed, "I love you, too."
The mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal."
"That's my child's love, she's trying to steal."
Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear,"
"Only one loving mother, is needed here."
The mom kissed her child, and tucked her into bed.
"Thank you, Santa, " for clearing my head.
I sometimes forget, it won't be very long,
When they'll be too old, for my cradle-song."
The clock on the mantle began to chime.
Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time."
With the clone by his side Santa said,
"Goodnight. Merry Christmas!
Mom, You'll be all right."

The bright side of things

Our family has found our selves dealing with problems and bad stuff coming at as one thing after the other lately. I've been soul searching the last week about all this and decided today that I need to make a list of all this stuff and turn it around. Everything that happens has a plus side. Something to learn or grow from. So here it goes.

1. Con: My cat got sick and I had to put her down. Pro: We don't have a pet to worry about when we go on vacation or to listen to my husband complain about when she makes a mess.

2. Con: My grandma gets diagnosed with cancer and is given 3-6 months to live. Pro: Now this one was hard. There is no pro to this one for me or my family. But if we think of her for a minute, she's about to be reunited with her eternal companion that she's been away from for many years! That is wonderful for her! I can only imagine how happy she will be back in his arms!

3. Con: We all got very sick with the H1N1 virus of which I had dreaded because of Austin's asthma. Pro: We came out the other side with no visits to the ER and while Austin did have problems he survived just fine. Now I don't have to worry about how he will handle it.

4. Con: I woke up yesterday with a double ear infection and had to go all day with cotton in my ears so I could be around my kids while Tony was at work. Pro: Today was a lot better and I got a prescription and it was only one day. That's the best I got for that one.

5. Con: Tony's class is super hard this time around and he is really stressing about it. It's been hard on the whole family because he's always worried about getting it done and can't spend time with the kids like they would like him to. Pro: it's only one more month and then he graduates and is done with school forever!

6. Con: My knee has never recovered and there's not a lot of options but to just live with it since the next option is not something I'm willing to do. Pro: With the help of some Advil I can do most everything I was able to do before and with more training I think it will get even stronger. I'm not going to let it hold me down.

That's the big things. I'm going to concentrate on the big picture and take things as they come. We aren't given more then we can handle!

homeschool

We've finally gotten into a groove with our new curriculum! It took us a few weeks to figure out how it works, then how we needed to adjust it to work for us but I think we are finally getting it down! The last few days have really gone quite well. The boys are able to get everything done in about 3-4 hrs including breaks. That's WAY faster then the first couple weeks! The curriculum says it should take 2-3 hrs to do everything. We're only 1 hr off! I think that hr is spent getting each other distracted during math. The worksheet they do each day should only take 10-15 min but they keep each other distracted and it ends up taking over an hour. We need to work on that. Maybe we should do the math portion in different rooms instead together at the table. Now there's an idea.....

catch up

I haven't been posting as much as I should. Here's what we've been doing though.

We got back from our trip and Tony finished his second to last class.

My cat went to the vet and they put her on a special diet of wet kitten food and pain pills. They said her teeth are really bad and she's not eating enough. She had lost too much weight. Pour kitty. They told me there's nothing they are willing to do because of her age. Surgery is too risky.

After that little drama Tony's dad came to visit. We had a blast with him here. We played bocce a couple times which the boys totally loved! We tried five guys burgers for the first time. That was really yummy! We went to the ball park and played a little baseball. Until it got too hot and the boys couldn't take it any more. Sierra warmed up to Poppy so fast! We were very surprised. She hasn't seen him since she was a tiny little baby. We'd shown her pictures but that's it. But within 30 min. She was talking to him and going over to him. She's never warmed up to someone that fast. Within the hour till we went to dinner she was in love with her Poppy!

I'm starting piano lessons tomorrow. I'm excited! It's something I've always wanted to learn. We'll see how fast I can learn it. I'm terrible at memorizing things. I've tried in the past to learn to read music with no success. I'll give it a go again though.

Tony is starting his last class for his Masters degree in a couple weeks and then we are celebrating his graduation and our ten year anniversary together with a trip to Florida and Disney World! I'm so excited! We are starting to plan it and the more we look into it the more excited we are getting.

Vacation

We had a wonderful time on our trip to the coast with Tony's family! We spent a week in Nehalem Bay state park camping in our huge tent. I love our tent! We played lots of games, went on lots of walks, played on the beach, and spent one day in Tillamook. We saw the cheese factory and went to the air museum. We had a slide show of pictures from the last 20 years of family trips Tony's family went on. It was so fun seeing him and his cousins, Aunts, Uncles, and the rest though the years. The kids were great the whole week. I'm already looking forward to next year.